i am a multiverse

I couldn't recover the exact passage from one of my anarchy journals. The words express how I currently process the meaning of recent events. Events that I see becoming reflection of my own struggle spiritually and philosophically.

I have begun to recognize how strong and how real the many different conflicting sides are within me. I have begun to realize I don't believe or think in one thing, that I ultimately view myself not as one person with one way of thinking - rather a counsel of many different thinkers. They all have different approaches to thought, some rational, some emotional, some shallow, some (in my own eyes) rather profound.

The article itself spoke how as an egoist, they don't bow to any one ideology because they cannot account for the hundreds of different opinions they have, and a hundred different voices they know lay within their mind.

My therapist marks that what I'm doing currently gives me a greater advantage in being able to think critically. I am able to have a better look at both sides of an argument - and possibly enter into the thirds, and fourths and fifths. The grey areas so to speak. Having this critical thinking is fairly foundational in gaining and seeking a clearer picture on things.

These recent events for some could have been enough for them to dive right into blind faith and blind belief in the ideologies that, as of late have been invading my life. Many people fall into the trap of feeling they owe some kind of allegiance to whatever point of view at certain times in their life become apparently so true. They're quick to abandon all other paths for that one path that so clearly must be the Truth, with a big capital T. They don't realize that their mind has ultimately concocted the invasion of this ideology into their life. They also don't realize there could be greater truth found in trying to figure out why it is your mind concocted this invasion. What does your mind see in this ideology? What does that part of your mind really want out of it?

It may be a mere side effect of being raised in the one-god-system of western humanity to feel you must leap and bound towards this capital t truth while slaying all other minor truths. This attitude ironically has found it's way into the practices of atheists who claim to be great practitioners of critical thinking. Thus they work all their selves around this capital t truth of the non-existance of a judeo christian god. I can't wait until the great abolition of god from all minds. This spook has created terrible believers and now is creating terrible non believers.

I really wish there were times where me speaking of the different sides of myself hadn't devolved into the great religion debate. I'd rather be discussing the possibility of us ourselves being gods, or the possibility of multiple dimensions that would shatter mere mortal minds, i'd rather be discussing why sometimes you start thinking about a certain thing and the next you know someone's talking about it. Why do coincidences act like gravity, or like echoes off walls? I know it's partially our own mind applying meaning to situations and categorizing reality into neat little boxes.

I'd much rather have community centres - where you go in to discuss how you feel about being an artist of passion in a capitalist society. How reading a spawn comic sparked a memory of some gnostic text. Labels are so fucking condemning that when someone admits they believe a few or so outright contradictions it doesn't make sense to anyone. You walk into a debate between acquaintances and you're forced to declare what side of the fence you're on.

I've got to stop running into christians because they continually make me feel like i have to be an atheist as a knee-jerk-reaction, and i hate listening to them chatter on how there is this god of theirs and I should come back to being a christian. I don't really want to choose either side, not because they're wrong - but because I think we could reach better conclusions not even talking about our theistic inklings.

There's people who can argue ON an ON about how a tree just happens or a tree was put there by god. Well I'm going to experience both sides of the argument by climbing the fucking thing.

And if you think im trying to conclude that I believe in both sides, you've completely misunderstood me. I have a faith in belief that there's something beyond these two paths. I feel there's something greater to be aimed at. I don't know what it is - so don't ask me. I believe and feel a lot of things I can't exactly explain.